The Guy List

Well, you know me (or at least my closer friends do). I have serious issues with women, especially the stupid ones.

�But why...?�, some girls would ask, in their tiny, whiny voices.

Oh, I can't even start to explain. Not that I particularly feel the need to. It would be doing them a favor wouldn't it? And what do I get in return? A few more dead brain cells.

Fortunately for these tiny, whiny whinnies, Men's Health (yes, I do read the magazine) had a session and deigned to enlighten these creatures a bit by coming up with a list of interesting (I must say) retorts.

While reading this, see if you can extrapolate any hidden sociocultural inferences within the list. Of course, this secondary exercise is not for said stupid ones.

Enjoy folks!

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1. You say to us, �You're not romantic anymore.� Fine, we'll try harder. But only if you initiate once in a while too. Deal?

2. Then there's, �You never listen.� This is not an inherently male trait. How many times does a guy have to explain the differences between yellow and red card offences?

3. No. You don't look fat. Did we mention how you never listen?

4. If you ask for our opinion, please don't get mad when we give it. The color of the curtains shouldn't be a referendum on our relationship.

5. It's just a spider, for Pete's sake. Step on it.

6. We work a 60-hour week, did the dishes, paid the bills, walked the dog, changed the oil, picked up the dry cleaning, read to the kids and gave you equal time. All we're asking is three hour on the couch on Sunday.

7. No more deflecting responsibility with attempts of cute and kittenish responses. You can't giggle your way out of trouble anymore.

8. You know damn well what we're doing in there. Stop asking.

9. Forget the notion that raising kids is harder then maintaining gainful employment. More important? Yes. Harder? No.

10. If you continue to dump on our best buds, we will list the (many) character tics of your bee.

11. If you want to have kids, you have to have sex. This is not a complaint. This is science.

12. Somehow, somewhere, women were sold this idea of 'fashionably late'. We don't get this. Make up a fashion emergency if you must, but don't ask us to be intentionally tardy. It's like asking us to kick the host in the groin.

Yes, that woman is hot. Yes, we appreciate beauty. That's why we're with you We do listen. And empathize. But when you're troubles have been analyzed to nothingness, can we please stop talking about them? If we fell in love with you when you had long hair, we're going to want you to keep your long hair till death do us part. We might beg, but we prefer not to. As for commitment ultimatums, just address number 1 to 15 on this list, then we'll talk.

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This is an interesting collection of multifaceted allusions, allegations and inferences. Do spare a moment to think about it.

I guess there is one point that I might like to add.

17. If you fancy us with gentlemanly manners, we'd also desire ladylike behavior.