Merde...

I went to the Cineplex today and found myself in the company of royalty. The King was there and so was The Queen. I am finally mixing with the right crowd… but I still felt downright depressed.

I found out recently that I couldn’t access one of my friend’s Blog. Then I found out that it was because the Blog is now private – only invited friends can view it. But the real one that got me all down in the dumps, despite my newfound blue-blooded company, was the explanation that the Blog was privatized because it was complained against. A report of mass indignation was lodged against the Blog to the Ministry! No less!

All that and just because my friend used the synonym for waste, excrement, dirt, feces, defecation.

Oh dear, I am now scared feces-less. But that was before I wasted on myself due to the shock.

Oh no, I just said those words myself, excrement, excrement, excrement… have I got myself into trouble now… excrement! I am in so much trouble now I should be defecating bricks for the next few days… aurgh…!

See I have so stupidly repeatedly made all those comments knowingly… sigh… I must have stools for brains. I have just wasted on myself… again.

With all this fuss over such a little word that EVERYBODY uses and does EVERYDAY (sure you do, otherwise you would need to see a doctor or a hernia operation or both), I am concerned whether I should let you know that my workplace is going to have a fruit day every week. You see, one of the fruits they will serve is banana, which is also synonymous if not a euphemism for the phallus, penis, the male genitalia.

What’s worse, since it is such a healthy food for moving the bowels and therefore help with the expulsion of bodily excrement, I intend to stuff my mouth about it… should I be saying all these? About stuffing my mouth with big, wholesome, delicious bananas? Those succulent fruits from a huge bush that’s dripping with nourishment?

Oh dear, oh dear… have I gotten myself knee deep in feces? For telling you about my love of bananas and their juicy goodness…? Please, don’t tell anyone about my banana-obsession. It might inspire banana-envy.

But I can’t help it! The banana is such a beneficial food for the body to help it move and excrete waste material, stools, dung, excrement, I just have to shout about it...

“I LOVE BANANAS!!!”

And then stuff my face, no, gorge on one and maybe gag on it... maybe it won’t be so offensive if I say it in a foreign language. Maybe I can say it in French – everything sounds sexy in French, even the word for feces…

“MERDE!!!”