I was away in a surreal place, living in a state resembling a sort of semi-comatose. While trying to figure out where exactly I was, I went away.
Surrealism began a month ago, with the release of my exam results. These were critical scores – they were the final scores of my final semester. Once I’ve cleared them, I will graduate... and should all things go well, with Honours too.
What greeted me was a sentence I was unfamiliar with...
“You are advised to consult your Dean”
With that, I began a month long dramatic adventure worthy of Hollywood proportions.
The results were out.
It was reflected on my transcript that I had scored an 'F' grade for a minor module. So minor that it was only an elective. But what was more unbelievable was that I could actually fail it.
How do you fail a module about morals and as a solitary assignment, asks you to “write about anything about morals...”? The concept was impossibility to me; someone must have made a mistake while entering the score into the computer system, or given the right grade to the wrong person... a million plausible reasons swirled in my head. But I was confident that I must not have failed the module. Who fails a module that allows one to write about anything discussed?
I tried to make as many phone calls to as many related people as possible. They were all unavailable “because it's the holidays...”. Well, so much for the “advised to consult your dean” part...
I decided to wait till the next day to go down to campus and meet with the people personally.
Dr. Wong tried to assure me that it must have been a administrative error... but all the while, I felt a supernatural calm, I was even able to go for my mum's birthday dinner and a few days later, a buffet dinner with my friends, casually conversing and laughing like it was all no big deal...
8:30 a.m. and I was already down at the campus.
But all the deans and lecturers were not around “because it's the holidays...”. I was recommended to file an appeal with regards to my results.
After paying $10.50 for processing appeal, I went over to the foundations programs office to try and find out as much as I possibly can, all the while still convinced and confident that it was all an administrative error.
“No, I have checked our system; there was no error in the recording of the results...”.
If that was the case, it means that the problem lies somewhere closer to the marker of my assignment. But he could not be found “because it's the holidays...”. I was also told that for most appeals, things never work out and the chances are very low.
“I advise you to prepare for the worse... you may have to retake the whole semester and bear the full fees...” Reality sank in. I need to apply for loans and bursaries if that were the case. Where's the student liaison...?
The lady at the office was very kind and provided me all the possible loans I could consider... that was also where I met Professor G. What a relief! Finally! A dean is around!!
I knocked on his door... “Sir...?”
Professor G was most encouraging. After looking at my essay and my past transcripts with A's and B's swimming in them, he commented...
“You write well...”
“The situation is ridiculous...!”
“You have a strong case... and you have all the evidence to back you up...”
He wrote a personal reference note to the other relevant authorities.
A couple of the Deans Professor G wrote to emailed me, asking me to be patient and the best person to answer my queries on the marks and marking, if I have any, was the lecturer for the module.
But he wasn't around “because it's the holidays...”
“Oh, he is not around because he has gone on leave, but he will back on these days...”
In spite of the information from the secretary, I called everyday. Even on days when he should be on leave. But no one picked up the phone; even on days when he should be in the office.
Finally, the lecturer picked up the phone. But it was a very strange and distant person on the other line. It was a voice a pole apart from the fanatic ranting and raving anti-government sentiments and passionately imploring the class to judge the local government's deed and abuse of power based on the concept of “absolute morality”.
“Sir, I was just wondering what happened to my grades...”
“I understand that you have filed an appeal... you are now dealing with an institution...” the comment was delivered with a voice and tone was like steel in the middle of winter. “You cannot just call up an institution to ask questions and demand answers...”
I wasn't aware that I was “demanding”. I was also unfamiliar with the man on the other line who suddenly became reticent, so different from the fanatic I've seen in class.
I tried to drag the conversation and finally he slipped... “It was difficult to grade your paper because your essay did not fulfill the requirements of the course...”
Huh? What requirements? I have never seen it; there was never a black and white. The only instructions I got (as attested and concurred by my classmates in the same module) was a verbal instruction to “write about anything on morals...”
I immediately realize that there is a slippery slope to this... I wrote to all my friends in the same class to confirm my memory and also to the dean about this issue. I even talked with one of his ex-student who took the same module...
“Yah, there was no black and white...”
“Yah, he doesn't give “F's”... unless what was written was contradictory to or against what he perceives as his 'truths'...”
We even recalled an occasion where he revealed that he doesn't believe in giving “F's” and allowed a student to resubmit an essay, which might otherwise have failed.
After all these were discussed and revealed, my alarm bells were going off everywhere...
9:30 a.m. on the day of the appeal.
I sat with the deans to discuss about the outcome of the appeal.
The deans laid out the cards:
Though there was no “black and white”, I appeared to be the only one who wrote on a topic that was “out of the circle”.
Even without written instructions, there must have been sufficient guidance for any attentive student to pick up on since all the others had written on similar topics.
I laid out mine:
The constant slew of anti-government comments and drumming the concept of using an “absolute morality” to judge the local government who had “abused their authority” overwhelmed any other ideas the lecturer was trying to share. I was thus influenced to believe that the lecturer was trying to talk about the concept of a universal or absolute morality, a judgment or yardstick that can be applied and used everywhere on earth to justify or condemn all and any people and ideas.
Though others may have written similar essays, they could have asked the lecturer for comments and advice. I never did, since the topic was open and full of potential and avenues for me.
My essay was based on the topics he discussed in class; I had taken photos of his transparencies and made notes on them.
At the meeting, they chose to close ranks; to back up the lecturer who marked my essay.
“I am sorry we have to bear such news to you, but circumstances made it difficult to revoke the first decision...”
We talked about the possibility to just re-submit the paper without attending the lectures. I also voiced my concern that if it is to be a re-submission, the “F” grade would still remain...
“Yes, it would be so... but a re-submission is a very good offer considering the circumstances...”
They needed to discuss further on the issue and I would be inform of the decision very soon.
“Oh... please leave a copy of all the documents you had presented today, it might prove useful...”
I left them photocopies of my online conversations, my email correspondences, photographs and notes of the slides. Then I stood up, shook their hands and thanked them wholeheartedly.
10:30 a.m. riding on a taxi on the way back to school.
I was quiet the whole journey, trying to let the reality that I am REALLY not going to graduate with my friends. But I was still feeling surreally calm - there was a strange knowledge that everything is going to be fine.
11:30 a.m. on the phone with the sub-dean.
“I have good news for you. In view of the new evidences, we have decided to reconsider your paper...” I was speechless.
That day, on many occasions during classes, I found myself tearing uncontrollably. But I had to blink them away quickly; I didn't want upset the boys in my class, in case they spotted my tears.
“Mr. Pang, I am glad to inform you that your grades have been revised and that you have graduated with Honours...”
... and I'll see you at the convocation with our gowns and mortar board on.
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