Adventures of M. Fabulista...

LETTING GO - "ON SILENT WINGS"



Have you believed in something much, loved something/someone so much that you were blinded? Truths that millions of eyes can see but you couldn?t, simply unable to (could it be denial?)... and it wasn?t even a deliberate decision to not notice; you were on a psychological trip, leaping over moons in a different dimension...



But even the most foolish of hearts learn... yes, even the one that pulses in mine body... and one day, you wake up and realized, ?Hey, something?s not right... it doesn?t seem to be working...? and then, just like that the spell was broken ? and the pain starts... an emotional tug of war...



There?s the one side of you that keeps saying, ?Let it go... It?s a dead rotting log... It?s been dying long ago, you just didn?t admit it; but now, it?s beyond comatose, it?s really DEAD!!?.



On the other hand, there?s another voice that keeps saying, ?Hang on, have faith, it will still work, just give it some time and a second chance... You?ll see!!? An emotional tug of war, a vicious cycle ? roller coaster of feelings; admission, rejection, denial, bargain...



Of course, while battling these insane and confusing thoughts in your head, there are times when they decide to go on a truce. It is in these moments of sanity, you can enjoy moments of normality and actually reveal a smile (half? Pseudo? Etc?). But alas, they are but mere moments...



It was sometime late last year, while in my rare moment of lucidity, I heard a song playing on the radio. Like the young man who strummed Roberta Flack?s pain with his fingers, the song by Tina Turner gave a voice to my pain. She helped acknowledge it, something I was unable to do on my own (I don?t know why) and I was to find a sigh in the midst of it to release some of the crushing pain inside. The song was ?On Silent Wings?.



As she (Tina) emotes over the microphone, sending waves of sonorous vibrations over me, I heaved a heavy sigh (of relief) and felt a little release from the memory?s suffocating, vice-like grip. Emotionally, it was akin to squatting down, while carrying a huge load on your shoulder; you slowly heave it onto the ground ? a muddy track where you are at now, possibly wet by the tears, but just up ahead, the road seems drier but still made of earth? but just beyond that, as if beckoning at you is a wide stretch of green ? fresh and alluring? and you know that just up ahead, you need to journey beyond the green grass is where the sun is shining warm and bright. It is where everything is fine. It is up ahead from your muddied track.



I am learning to let go of the burden. I am moving towards that sunlit place. I will get there.