[YOU WILL NEVER KNOW]

- vincent immanuel pang



I spend all my waking hours

Amongst past memories

Hurts and disappointments

Believing it will vanish by the morrow.



Was I secretly wishing they would stay?

Devastated by the fear;

If they go, there will be nothing left to hold.

It seems that is all I have left of you.



While daylight sees me;

I go through the motion evading sympathetic eyes.

As evening beckons in my bedroom

It seems melancholy is all that is left of me.



But I can fly away

On these wings of sadness

I am brought to a refuge with no shelter

On the edge of nowhere.



For a momentary lapse of reason

I am drunk under a sea of analgesia

For the comfort that they bring

I escape the harsh reality of pain.



I wake up from the anaesthetics

The fair sun reminding me

Perhaps today they will go away

Perchance today they perish with me.

POINTLESS

- vincent immanuel pang



You feel the Northern gales here

They cut you to the bones.

There is no knowledge of the golden orb

No sun, no warmth, no heat.



The ground beneath me gives;

I am drawn by its undertow.

I couldn't resist its alluring gloom,

Fumbling upon yielding ground.



I find I'm lost,

I can't turn back now,

I've gone too long, too far from home,

I lost the fundamentals of me.



Sinking, falling deeper into the abyss,

We've been here before,

We end up in this familiar perversion,

I've gotten used to this morbidity.



Culling goodness

Amassing grace

Rallying strength

Do second chances guarantee alternative ends?



I thought to give what you wanted;

I gave you what I had.

They were not what you had needed,

Nurturing your ambivalence.



So now we just go on,

Lounging in mutual melancholia,

Luxuriating on the pain,

Existing on vacuous disparity.

SELFISH WISDOM/SELFLESS FOOLS?



Thought for the day:



If a scheme or regime was changed or established over the foolishness of a loud but ignorant few, does it make the consenting majority selfless and wise?



''We need get on with our life as normal...''

- PM Goh, getting on with life while facing the adversity of SARS.

TIME - THE GEOGRAPHY OF CHRONOLOGY



''Where did the time go''



A lament. A mourn for the bereavement of collective moments.



How many of us are guilty of that? Guilty of letting go of time without so much as a thought?



I don't want to do that. At least not anymore. I have always known that once that grain of sand slips through the tiny waist of the hourglass, I will never get that instant back again.



And we can never step into same river twice.



Time is constantly flowing by, seemingly running towards a goal (or is it something else?). I can never get it back again. I will miss all the good times I had - time spent with a good friend, time spent at a caf�, savouring the smells and taste of the delicious brew. I will always remember the soft fur of the cat I once had. Hmm, the good times and the good things once had, how memorable!



How many of us wish for more time? How many of us wish for time to pass more slowly so that we can savour each moment with its fine detail; to give it the respect it deserves and observe it, rather than letting it pass us by?



I often to capture time in a capsule; to preserve a happy, wonderful time and keep it in perpetuity; to be had and relished again at a later time... and again... and again. But I am dreaming (of a white Christmas in Singapore?). It's not quite possible is it (though I can still dream?)?



But we can never step into same river twice.



I had an epiphany; once at my Campus Library. My friends know where to find me at my favourite spot - it overlooks a thick wood, full of the lush life pertinent to our tropical climate. I love the view. The view of tall foliage and growth swaying in the breeze; beckoning their audience.



Over the year as the weather changes, the vegetation takes on different hues - like a lady in her chamber, going through metamorphosis. Like a true lady, her change is subtle and elegant. As tropical monsoon sets in, she will step off the shower into her quarters dressed in a terry cloth robe of green - lush, luscious and full of the force of life - fresh to face the challenges a new year brings. In the other months, basking in the radiant, dry heat, the leaves turn amber and ochre. Shedding her casual robes, she takes on colour for the evening, shades of tawny earth, mellow ochre and vibrant crimsons - the lady is ready for her debut.



The change is subtle, oh so small, a picture for the observant eye; but so lavish is the reward. The breathtaking joy it brings as the story of a year unfurls before your eyes. Every minute variation is a stamp on the passing of time; a picture frame in the galleries of your mind. A moment to be held to behold.



And I had my epiphany - I hold that moment in my mind; I hold that moment in my hand. I hold it... in perpetuity.



While we can never step into the same river twice; we can step in to water and enjoy the coolness and freshness it bestows. We remember the sensation it conferred... and remember it in perpetuity.

I AM FOR LIFE

- Vincent Immanuel Pang



I am not Pro-America; in fact I still can't stand their slapstick comedies



I am not Anti-Iraq; in fact I admire their intellect. Afterall, the concept of Algebra or al-jabr was created by one of them.



I am not Pro-War; neither am I Anti-War.



But I am against the use of fear and tyranny to control a population. I am against the use of civilian lives to destroy civilian lives for personal vendetta or to make political statements. I am against terrorism. I am against the concept of anyone, living on God's earth having to look around suspiciously, fearing for his or her life, wondering if the ride on the public transport, or the letter received will be the last thing experienced.



I am against having to live in fear, anxiety and suspicion for one's life. I am against the concept that my right to live has been denied and compromised by some unknown who has a warped sense of justice and in meting out his/her judgement, I am but a pawn.



I am against destroying life.



And if that means taking out the source of threat by destroying the agent (one by one), then it has to be done. I am for it.



I do not want to live in a world where a smile may not be a smile but a conspiracy. Where a word is not a blessing but a curse in disguise. Where a hug is the prelude to a murder or betrayal.



Most importantly, I do not wish for children to nurture and grow in a world such as that. I may be held responsible and accountable - afterall, as the wisdom of the Navajo Indians once put, ''we don't inherit land, we are merely taking care of it for our children (paraphrased)''



What kind of a place do we want our future generations to grow up in? To know? It's all up to us isn't it? When we spot a problem, we try to gently coax it away, but like the weed that refuses to perish, we will have to root it out.



I want to live in a world where I know a smile means ''I'm your friend'', a pleasant word is salve to the heart and a hug means devotion of the sincerest kind. Where children can smile (not frown) and wonder ''why'' and parents won't have difficulty answering.



The first cognitive facial expression of a child should not be a frown of anxiety nor should his first word be ''please'' with his hands held out...

I STILL BELIEVE



When the world had nowhere to run

Or how to hide

I've been watching the world as it passes by

Trying to climb but I just can't find my feet

But I still believe

Doesn't matter what life you lead

Or the love you need

Lost in the world as it passes by

Trying to smile but you just can't hide your tears

Do you still believe



I still believe

That we can live together in a land of broken dreams

I still believe

We can put us together and pray for all our hopes and dreams



Cause I only wanna let you know how I feel

Watching the love as it passes by

Trying to smile but I just can't hide my tears

But I still believe



Floating on your own star

They always seems to make you hot

I put it back together once again

Once again

Once again



I still believe

That we can live together in a land of broken dreams

I still believe

We can put us together and pray for all our hopes and dreams

I still believe

That we can live together in a land of broken dreams

I still believe

We can put us together and pray for all our hopes and dreams

Floating on your own star

BROKEN VOW



I need to understand

I need to understand

Why you and I came to an end



Tell me again

I want to hear

Who broke my faith in all these years

Who lays with you at night

When I'm here all alone

Remembering when I was your own



I'll let you go

I'll let you fly

Why do I keep on asking why

I'll let you go

Now that I found

A way to keep somehow

More than a broken vow



Tell me the words I never said

Show me the tears you never shed

Give me the touch

That one you promised to be mine

Or has it vanished for all time



I'll let you go

I'll let you fly

Why do I keep on asking why

I'll let you go

Now that I found

A way to keep somehow

More than a broken vow

I close my eyes



And dream of you and I

And then I realize

There's more to life than only bitterness and lies

I close my eyes

I'd give away my soul

To hold you once again

And never let this promise end



I'll let you go

I'll let you fly

Why do I keep on asking why

I'll let you go

Now that I found

A way to keep somehow

More than a broken vow

THE WIRELESS FIASCO - ANOTHER EMPTY PROMISE.



- by Vincent Immanuel Pang





The Learning Hub at the NIE Library promised to be a wonderful portal of digital capabilities including wireless Internet services. After more than 6 months of expectant bubbling and speculation, the CSC had delivered a dud that fizzled despite the initial sizzles. Proving once again that they are more capable of providing empty fluff and effervescence than honest-to-goodness materials of substance.



Remember the glorious announcement over six months ago over the announcement of integrating the wireless network system into the library?s compendium of digital services? Well, apparently the system is now up and running. However the service is far from satisfactory or adequate.



With the capabilities of the 802.11b wireless protocol, there are endless Internet applications that we can access to via our desktops or laptops equipped with a wireless card.



As students in NIE, where digital age technology has become synonymous with pedagogy, many of us received the news of the upgrade and enhancement with wide-open arms and joy. Many of us had also pried into our savings and made investments on a wireless card. Afterall, the authorities had revealed news on the intention of integrating wireless Internet access throughout the entire campus. All these promises of Zion justified the investment ? seemingly a wise decision that would extend beyond our period as trainees in NIE.



Unfortunately, we were all grossly deceived. Like the wolf that promised the red-hooded girl of greater blooms beyond the regular route of the forest, which turned into disappointments, so did the promise of a glorious new service.



Many of us would have realized that although surfing the Internet is possible, one could not access the other Internet services. We could not, for example download POP3 mails into our email programmes (i.e. Outlook, Outlook Express, Entourage, Eudora, etc), neither could we communicate with our friends through the ICQ, MSN or any other instant messaging services. Our people in CSC have denied this capability.



This has greatly hampered the progress and process of our (trainee teachers?) learning. I am sure that many of us communicate with our assignment group mates, lecturers and other mentors through emails. When I check with CSC for the reason why the service was unavailable, the excuse given was, ?for security reasons, we have denied this service on all our internet access portals.?



When I asked about the 128bit WEP (Wireless Encryption Protocol) that is in place to protect from unauthorized Internet access to NIE?s server, the excuse given was that ?POP access would provide hackers with a loophole to crack into the servers.? However there is no mention of what the consequences may be. It was mentioned, nevertheless, that such an incident had occurred in NTU before. Now, doesn?t this prove that NTU provides its users with the service? And since this service is still available, it would signify that NTU had taken steps to up its security measures and had improved their services.



I mentioned to the person behind the counter at the CSC that it would be their responsibility and their obligation to inform all library users and potential wireless card investors of the limitations and denials that they are imposing on the wireless network. Unfortunately, the respond was a very off-tangent remark that ?we will standardize the access and service for both wired and wireless access?. Excuse me? But that doesn?t even remotely resemble the topic we?re on!!



From what I know, a 128bit WEP protection is a very advance form of encrypting protection; this could be further enhanced with a firewall together with a surveillance of Internet activities within the campus? servers to detect irregular actvities. However, this may require constant watch over the servers.



From the above evidence, one could not help but come to the conclusion that it is probably an issue with idleness rather than security that had induced the decision to cut off the service of inclusive net access.



As a regular user and with the groups of trainee teachers I know, I sincerely and emotively hope for the authorities to reconsider their decision and action. We really need the services to be complete and running. This is imperative to our efficient communication with the people involved in our studies (i.e. lecturers, tutors, group mates, etc), which directly affects the effectiveness of our training as teachers.



It may a small difference in providing the service, but the effect is tremendous and synergistic to our overall development.



Thank you for reading this article. I would appreciate your feedback and comments and views on this topic, we would all appreciate it if you would respond with your views on the issue.